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Fuck [01 Dec 2008|06:31pm]
oh fuck oh fuck. ever say something, then immediatly regret it? i wish we could wait, and just sort our shit out, and not be so damn serious, and wait and see what happens. I don't want it to be over. I don't fucking want everything to be over, cause it never even fucking started. My head's a mess, time to go start cleaning. It's going to be very lonely, very fast.
1Kiss From the Grave| Embrace

Crushed [25 Nov 2008|10:27pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

I can't even write right now. i can't think, i can't stop shaking. I just want to wake up, and have this all just be a bad dream. i don't want to say i'll just walk away. i don't want to mean it. it will fucking tear me to pieces to walk away from you. i won't be the same person anymore.

i don't even feel human right now. i feel like some sorta fucked up monster.


Gah [20 Nov 2008|07:16pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Canada fucking sucks these days. All I seem to do, is laze about, work work work workworkworkwork, and answer MILLIONS (or maybe dozens, i dunno) of questions about the impending marriage. And when i have to tell stories about how we met, and how we fell in love, and how long we've known eachother, fuck!!! i miss you more than i miss my fucking leg holmes. And i aint had that fucker since 'nam. speaking of which, i had a dream you and i blew up a bunch of mcdonalds last night. *sigh* i can't eat, i can't sleep. I can't wait for you to come home. call me! i miss the sound of your voice, for very very very very serious. everything is so serious these days. all our conversations seem to have the all or nothing kinda tone about them, i can't wait for you to get home, so we can go back to being happy. no more stress on this shit. cause we didn't even really get to be together, before you had to leave. so its so hard to not be stressed, and you not to be jealous (and i KNOW i make things worse in that department. its the little things, like tellin you how i get after a tattoo, and then not realizing that when you don't hear from me right away, how that might seem, and im sorry), but i did step in front of traffic. god, i sound like a retard. I don't know when you'll get a chance to read this, but I love you. So much. I'll talk to you later mi amor.

2Kisses From the Grave| Embrace

Cut you with a ball point knife [10 Nov 2008|01:23am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Fuck. I can't believe i forgot to give you that letter before you left. It's been like what, 4-5 days already? shit. Everything is so weird without you. quiet, and weird. I've never missed someone like this before. I have this hollow feeling in my guts, and all the mustard, and bologna, and dope, and liquor and smokes in the world can't seem to fill it. I've been writing so much since you went home. Fuck I just wish you were back. I wake up every morning, and want to quit my job, and hop on the fucking greyhound, and haul my ass down there, but i still don't know for sure if i can get across the border. I'm breaking up with elaine, as soon as i get home. I don't know if i mentioned that. I'll do whatever it takes to show ya im committed. Really. Srsly. I'm gettin a tattoo when i get home too. I can't wait for you to see it. You put the stink in my eye, love. The stink in my fucking eye.


Punch the internet in the mouth. [02 Sep 2008|10:14am]
[ mood | awake ]

or something. bored waitin for scab to wake up. finally found a place, and its badass. i could write pages and pages and pages on what im thinking right now, but i need some time to figure it all out in my head first i think. but it is fucking awesome out here.

2Kisses From the Grave| Embrace

Fuck [20 Aug 2008|08:22pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

well, shit is shit.

My buddy clayton is still missing. goin on a week now. they called the search off this morning. i have no way to get to the service on tuesday, and im all fuckin torn up. im gunna go pawn my guitars, and see if that will get me up there. i don't fuckin know anymore.

3Kisses From the Grave| Embrace

wow. last updated 72 weeks ago? [13 Aug 2008|01:55pm]
srsly. and im feeling fantastic. jobjobjobjob.
3Kisses From the Grave| Embrace

[24 Mar 2007|12:07pm]
[ mood | drunk ]

its noon. i can't fucking see straight. Shit is... improving. I'm not gunna let myself get bogged down with shit anymore. That's why i made things are like they are right now. Cut the dead weight, new and improved. Fuck false friends, and fuck basically everything. I have a goal. Nothing is going to get in the way of this. And i mean, fucking nothing.

1Kiss From the Grave| Embrace

Sick of it All [09 Mar 2007|12:30pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

So fucking tired of everything. Tired of being such a nice guy. Tired of being pushed around, tired of being walked all over. Fuck everything.


and then everything falls apart [28 Feb 2007|12:32am]
[ mood | listless ]

i don't know where to start. im not sure where my life's headed anymore. i had such a clear goal in mind, but it doesn't seem so desirable anymore. im completly dissatisfied with school. I don't enjoy it (like i was supposed to lol ), im hardly learning anything new. and the end result? i just don't know. i mean, i don't really want to work these shithole dead end jobs the rest of my life, but fuck. What will i be doing after college? shit, not much better. All this stress and bullshit, for what? To join the fucking rat race? i don't think if im cut out for the 9-5 bullshit. ill stick out this semester, maybe my next year, to get that diploma, but i dont' think i have the desire to get my degree. i don't know what i want anymore. id love to be a career musician, but im not that good. and i know i don't have the drive, or the time to get that good. i mean, im good, but im not technically proficient. i have some talent, a fair bit of style, but no real skills. and im in a gnarly creative slump, atm. wish i had some other musicians around, or at least more that don't want to play metal. i can't get into playing metal. too... cold? i don't feel any emotion while playing it.

i guess im just indecisive.

well, by the sounds of it, ill be back down to van in a few weeks. maybe that'll help get me motivated. i hope something does.

1Kiss From the Grave| Embrace

mmm..... [04 Feb 2007|04:13am]
[ mood | groggy ]

foot in mouth is delicious.


pfff.... [27 Jan 2007|12:14am]
[ mood | craptastic ]

ain't nothin wrong, ain't nothin right, still i sit and lay awake all night.

i guess that about sums it up.

i feel like i fucking robot right now. im so mentally exahusted, but nothing wants to go easy. the hardest thing is not running. i just want to fucking disapear.

fuck, its going to be a long lonely fucking night.


Unemployed? Underemployed? GO FUCK YOURSELF [09 Jan 2007|03:33pm]
[ mood | blank ]


i forgot what i had to say here....


Why do massive revalations always happen at 2am? [13 Dec 2006|02:19am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

There is so much i need to fucking change, right quick, where the fuck do i start? My whole life, i've just kinda coasted by; not ever doing what i want to do, but what is easiest. I feel, not like i've wasted any time, I don't regret anything... but there is so much shit im capable of. There is so much i could do. I mean, I started college... that's about the most ambition i've ever shown. but i've just coasted through, made some great excuses to pass my classes, and and haven't really tried at all.

it's kinda overwhelming to think of what enacting positive change in my life will be like. what the fuck could i accomplish if i actually TRY for once. not just for once, but permenently.

i think the worst thing is, my law final at 9am, and i can't sleep.

1Kiss From the Grave| Embrace

*vomits* [18 Nov 2006|03:32pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

wahoo. another sleepless night, due to my fucking impacted teeth of doom. uhm, lets see whats new....

lost 8 pages of my 10 page research paper (which is due next week) due to compy virus. that's fun.

finally got off my ass and got another job. 2 months unemployed? Heck yes!

shit, i had lots more i was gunna write, but im gunna go throw up again.

be good humans.


updatey doom... [08 Sep 2006|10:03pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

well, im bored, so i decided to update my userpic, cause my hair grew.

word son.

1Kiss From the Grave| Embrace

*cough cough* [07 Sep 2006|12:03am]
[ mood | craptastic ]

*coughs and listens to the hollow echo*

4Kisses From the Grave| Embrace

oh god. [21 Jul 2006|02:27am]
[ mood | crappy ]

ive ruined my lj. fuck fuck fuck fuck.

i hate shit.

ps. if anyone knows how to take the background image out, and replace it with a color, in S1 style, let me know. i tried, i can't fucking remember


the world is ending [21 Jul 2006|02:02am]
[ mood | calm ]

well, i don't know that for sure, but jesus fuck, i forgot how engorssing godspeed you! black emperor is. found my copy of yanqui xo in some of my moms cd's, and fuckshitgoddamn i've been listening to it all night. im just really caught up in it. the feeling of the album is amazing. i have so much i could say, but i don't have words for it. shit. well, i think im gunna just dim the lights, and curl up with this. goodnight all


First track, finally on the go. [09 Jul 2006|02:45am]
[ mood | tired ]

so, ive finally gotten a little motivated, creativly. Being all the way up here (i've moved quite far north, for anyone whom ive forgotten to tell) with no friends about, i realized that i can finally work uninterupted. just dl'd cakewalk (thank god for virtually non-exisitant copyright laws) so im gunna start laying tracks down. i might have a lead on a drum kit, i could use, and they have a laptop at the shop that i could prolly record with. they actually have condensor mics, but it might be awhile before i can get in. If anyone knows of a decent drum-machine for pc, i would be forever in debt in the meantime. oh well, i have a couple to try out that i know of. ill be starting a myspace for it, since its a convient place to store mp3's. It'll be under New Clear Cherry Bombs. I've commissioned an artist to tidy up my band logo, but i want you thedyinglightJ </lj> to have a go at it as well. anyways, here's some lyrics for one of the tracks. its fast, and a little lofi. think early bad religion, i guess.

Suffer. (i need a new name for this, on second thought, so its a working title)

longing for a kiss, a touch
your warm embrace
I sit and i wait, and i wait and i

all i have to do to keep your love is suffer.

time drags on
days turn to weeks to months and to who knows
slowly i withdraw, untill its too late

all i have to do to keep your love is suffer.

I crash, burn, fade, and fall.
Shattered I call out, cry out, scream your fucking name.
On deaf ears it falls (i hate this verse)

all i have to do to keep you love is suffer.

-ok, on second thought, im not so sure about these lyrics. *ponders*

more shitty lyrics here!!Collapse )


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